If Only
by Mrs Ronald Weasley
Summary: What if Bella and Alice were too late getting to Edward in New Moon? Both Bella and Carlisle struggle with the loss of the one they loved. Bella/Carlisle. Rating for sexual content. Written for my Twilight20 prompt Death.


**If Only**

Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley

Rating: NC-17

Pairing/s: Bella/Carlisle, mentions of Edward/Bella

Category: Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Spoilers: New Moon

Warnings: Major character death

Summary: What if Bella and Alice were too late getting to Edward in New Moon? Both Bella and Carlisle struggle with the loss of the one they loved.

A/N: Written for my Twilight20 prompt Death.

The wind howled outside the house, the rain pounded on the roof. Inside, the house was empty, cold and devoid of life.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Carlisle closed his eyes, letting his memory, clear as day, drift back to the day Edward had first introduced Bella to him. He saw it, the love and admiration in Edward's face as he looked at her. That same love and admiration for him in her eyes.

Now that love and admiration was nothing more dead points of light in the darkness. And it was all because of one foolish mistake. One stupid mistake that could have been avoided. It wasn't Alice's fault, as much as she blamed herself, Carlisle knew that. If it was anyone's fault, it was his.

Carlisle was always the rational one, he had to be. But there was no excuse for what he had done. He had seen that Edward's decision was foolish and yet he had agreed to go along with it. If only he had known what would become of it...

He didn't know how long he sat there, thinking, but his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by someone's presence. One he knew too well. Her scent filling his nostrils.

"I thought I would find you here," she whispered.

He looked up and saw that she leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest, her face pale, her eyes red from crying. "How did you know I was here?"

She shrugged. "Alice told me you had returned." She looked down, "and after she left, I didn't want to be alone anymore."

She down beside him and he wrapped his arm around her waist. Bella leaned against his chest, inhaling his scent. "Please don't go Carlisle," she pleaded in a choked voice. Carlisle frowned slightly and pulled her back.

There she was, as beautiful as ever, but he could not stand to see her in tears. Her eyes, in the dim light surrounding them, brimming with tears, caused something inside of him to snap. He could not leave her like this, broken and afraid.

Lifting his hand, Carlisle gently wiped away the tears from Bella's cheek with his thumb. She gave a sad smile and looked up at him. The emotion in her eyes was overpowering, he found his defences crumbling, and found himself leaning down, slowly and carefully, tilting his neck sideways slightly. His eyes closed, and...

Bliss. His lips brushed against hers in a chaste kiss; she didn't pull away, as he had expected. Bella couldn't repress her feelings any longer. She intensified the kiss, and finally the dam broke. Her warm tongue slid against his as electricity coursed through them, and all coherent thought was extinguished. Instinct was their only guide now.

Their lips clashed together. Bella nibbled on his lower lip, tugging slightly, and then her tongue slid past his lips again, enticing him, and fuelling his desire. Carlisle's answer was immediate; leaving Bella's lips, he proceeded to kiss along her chin, moving back towards her neck. She moaned as her heart rate accelerated rapidly in her chest, the sound of it and her soft sigh loud in his ears. He could feel her shaking with desire as his mouth reached her neck, and began slowly laying kisses there, moving up and down in succession. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes.

His cold hands slipped beneath her shirt, gliding across her warm, soft stomach, sending chills across and arousing her in ways she never knew existed. One hand moved behind her back, the other moved painstakingly upwards. She could feel her nipples harden; the coldness of Carlisle's hand only excited her more. Carlisle cupped her breast over her bra, and began to slowly rub it. She whimpered softly and he began unbuttoning her shirt with his other hand, sliding off her shoulders, before pulling back slightly and pulling his own shirt over his head.

Bella reached out timidly, still shaking his arms, as she slowly leaned down and started trailing hot kisses from his chest to the waist band of his pants. Carlisle involuntarily growled quietly in response to the waves of pleasure she was generating.

She looked up, her eyes glossed over in desire and pain; she moved back up and kissed him gently. In that moment, Carlisle cupped her left breast in one hand and slid the other around to unclasp her bra, letting it fall away.

Bella broke the kiss, gasping, when he began to massage her breasts. He bent his head and began trailing kisses along her breasts; he stopped briefly when he reached her hardened nipple, his cool breath coming out in short gasps against her skin. "Carlisle," she whimpered when he finally took her nipple into his mouth and began sucking, his cold tongue teasing her. He brought his hand up to caress the neglected breast. Bella gasped and arched into him; he could feel her, hot, against his thigh. He let out a growl.

Carlisle pulled back and kissed her, pushing her gently backwards onto the floor. He hovered over her and then broke the kiss. "Bella," he breathed against her neck. She moaned and pushed herself upwards into his body. Carlisle locked his gaze with hers as he reached for her jeans and pulled her remaining clothing down her legs, leaving her completely naked to him.

He kissed her stomach and moved slowly back upwards to her mouth, threading a hand into her hair as he thrust his tongue into her mouth. Bella took the chance to tug at Carlisle's pants, pulling them over his hips and down his legs. But that was all she managed, but she moaned loudly, breaking the heated kiss as she felt Carlisle's cold hands on her.

His repetitive rubbing along with the slight pressure was already pushing her close to the edge. She felt the sweat break out on her forehead and her breathing became incredibly short and fast. Just when she thought she would pass out from the intensity of it, he slipped first one, and then another cold finger into her. "Oh, Carlisle," she moaned arching against his hand. The pleasure was building, closer and closer...

Then suddenly everything changed for her as Carlisle replaced his hands with his lips and tongue. Her breath hitched and she arched as she nearly thrown over the edge. "Stop, Carlisle," she gasped.

Afraid that he had gone too far, he pulled back and his gaze wary as it met hers. Bella sat up and reached for his boxers, tugging desperately at them. Realization washed over him and helped her pull them off. Never breaking their gaze, Carlisle pushed her gently back onto the floor and positioned himself at her entrance. He paused, his gaze questioning.

"It's okay Carlisle," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "We both need this."

He kissed her gently as he slowly pushed himself inside of her. Bella broke the kiss, gasping as he sunk all the way inside her, initially causing a pain that was soon replaced with pleasure as he began to thrust back and forth.

She writhed, her hands desperately searching for something to grasp as the sensations started swirling inside of her. Her hand found his and she clutched it tightly as she finally cried out in ecstasy, pulsating waves of pleasure overwhelming her.

"Bella," Carlisle breathed and she felt him stiffen, knowing that he had climaxed as well.

He rolled off her, collapsing against the floor. He waited for her breathing to return to normal, but it never did. He sat up, concern washing over him.

She was still shaking uncontrollably, and she began sobbing when she saw him looking at her. "Bella?" he asked gently.

"I'm cold," she cried.

She was in shock, he realized and stood. Using his vampire speed, he dressed and carried her into the living room. He laid her on the couch, covering her with a blanket. "It's alright Bella," he soothed, as he held her to him.

"I feel sick, Carlisle," she whispered.

"I know," he replied quietly, "you're in shock."

"Why Carlisle?" she sobbed, "Why did he leave?"

He shook his head. "I'll get you something to help you relax," he said, kissing her before moving away.

She was shaking so badly that she didn't how she saw it, or how Carlisle didn't, but her eyes rested on a single piece of paper lying on the table in front of her. Her heart accelerated in her chest when he saw Edward's elegant script. Pushing herself up, she slipped off the couch and moved over to the table.

_Carlisle,_

_I've loved you since the day we met, and I always will. You'll find me in your heart. Please, remember me. _

_Edward._

Bella collapsed to her knees on the floor. A sob escaped her, and she could feel an empty, bottomless void opening up inside of her. The mere thought was unbearable.

Within seconds she felt strong, cold arms wrap around her. She buried her head in Carlisle's chest. He let her stay there until she could cry no more.


End file.
